It felt like a particularly fine morning when the Supreme Mayor and Overseer of the Licktoads Chief Gutwad summoned a group of goblins to his extra-tall goblin house.
“You three be best bashers, smashers, and… thingers! In whole Great ‘City’ of Licktoad! So you better send Ugly Hairy Tall Ones back to stinky human mecca. You fail and we choppy!”
Foulthing, a particularly ugly goblin, though popular among the female population for his ability to wild an ax equal to his size, nodded silently and made his way to the door. Normally he would have tried to get out of this task, not being from Licktoad he had no reason to defend it and would have much rather fled, but his Worg seemed to be missing this morning and so he agreed.
Hurgurkalurk a was more then pleased with this task as it gave him the best excuse to escape from the clutches of his mother for a while. After all she could hardly argue with Supreme Mayor and Overseer of the Licktoads Chief Gutwad, it might kill her. He smiled as he hefted his mighty war hammer and made his way to the door, if it did kill her he wouldn’t have to put up with her any more!
Kavak the Feared just shrugged, he was of two minds on many things and never seemed able to think straight unless it was about food. Food was the one thing he and himself could agree on. He followed his companions out the door and as the three of them made their way out of the “city” he summoned up Voke the Flesh-Eater. It pleased him to know that every time he did this all the goblins stared. He always assumed his Eidolon just made him look that much better.
As soon as her son came into view, for Lulu of Zogmogot had been watching Gutwod’s extra tall goblin house, she rushed over to join their march out of town. As they left Gutwod called after them, “More thing! More thing! You check on Walthus, make sure he OK, and watch out for Ugly Slobbering Hungry One!”
Hurgurkalurka rolled his eyes, “Mother already found us.”
Lulu of Zogmogot bashed her son in the head with her walking stick and as the four of them left they could all hear goblin laughter following them. Once out of town it quickly became clear that only Lulu knew where Walthus lived and soon the small party was following her in the direction of his home. As they walked through the marsh the small group came across a hill rising out of the muck. Annoyed, Hurgurkalurka walked over and pooked it sending bits of bone and rock sliding down into the marsh. The ensuing noise attracted the notice of a large, hairless human with backwards legs. When it saw the small group of goblins it screamed, opening it’s mouth in three directions.
“Kill it my son, and show these other weaklings what true leader!”
Hurgurkalurka charged the beast, not to be outdone and caught up in the frenzy all the other goblins followed suit. Suddenly from out of nowhere Ne-Nuk, who must have been following them the entire time, jumped out and both her and the dead frog on her head started running around as if they where screaming. Lulu feeling things had gone on long enough plundged her dagger into the beast, killing it dead.
“How dare you steal Hurgurkalurka’s kill, how I become great leader if you no let me do anything!?!”
“You take too long, I show you real goblin kill. Next time you do right.”
The walk to Walthus’s house didn’t take too long, but by the time they arrive the small party of goblin were both bored and hungry. Upon seeing Walthus all five of the goblins rushed up to the halfling and start talking at the same time. It took Walthus a moment to figure out what they were saying but finally he replied, “Wathus fine! You stupid green gourd-heads leave.”
“We check you seem fine. You feed us for trouble.” Kavak smiled at his own clever plan to get free food.
Walthus pointed to the smallish storage shed, “food in there, you eat and leave Walthus alone.”
Ne-Nuk eyed Walthus, there seemed to be something different about him today. She shrugged, maybe living in the marsh made everyone look better. She flashed him her most winning smile as she followed him into the house. The rest of the goblins descended on the storage shed and as they ate their way through its contents came across Walthus tied up in the back of the shed. Knowing there should only be one Walthus, they realized they could eat the other one. However, not wanting to incur the wrath of Gutwad should they eat the wrong one, all the goblins made their way into Walthus’ house to be sure. Kavak, though, could not bring himself to leave the food and with no other goblins to compete with him kept eating.
It quickly became clear that the Walthus in the house was not the real Walthus at all, and after much arguing and a quick fight the fake Walthus reverted to his normal faceless state and died at the hands of Hurgurkalurka. Whatever the faceless creature had been, the goblins were quick to discover that it tasted better then any halfling meat ever could and soon there was nothing left but the original Wathus.
“Thank you for saving me, but I think you should know that before that thing appeared I was visited by a small group of people from the town who were in search of your village.”